Feb 8, 2018 | Blog posts

We were introduced about two weeks after he lost his wife. It had been very unexpected. She had a stroke and a week later she passed away. What a shock it must have been for this 87 year old man. They had been married for 63 years, and she was the love of his life.

For the past six month I have visited John every week.  His children live in other parts of the country.

The initial visits were filled with sorrow. The slightest mention of John’s wife’s name immediately triggered the appearance of tears in his eyes. John shared with me the last words his wife had spoken to him, “I will see you there”.  What a woman, what a faith, what a gift of hope to leave with your man.

As John tells me in our conversations about his memories of the beautiful life he and his wife had shared, I reassure him how graced he had been, and that not many people are so blessed to love and be loved like that.

Knowing that laughter is healing, I made a point of bringing humour to John. My goal was to uplift him and make him laugh or at least smile once during our visit. And it worked… we laughed together, then cried, than laughed and cried again. Grieving is an emotional rollercoaster. The ups and downs smooth out over time…but it does take time…
With pure pleasure I was observing how John’s mood lifted at times, and the light brightened in his eyes. Some days it would improve within minutes and last longer, other times it was harder and took no time to disappear again. I was happy when John graced me with the smallest smile.

His mood had an immediate influence on his appetite; the better the mood the bigger and more enjoyable the dinner. I could tell how he was feeling by the pace at which he ate his dinner, and by how empty the plate was.

Even John’s son noticed, during phone conversations with his father, how much more lively his voice sounded after John and I had shared a visit.

Music to my ears, knowing I positively affected two lives.

Many times when I come to John’s and ask if I can have a cup of tea, he tells me, “Anything you want, you got it.”  It must be his favourite saying. But a saying is saying, and I never paid much attention to these words until last week.
It was after the last time he said them to me that I suddenly recalled a song with that title by Roy Orbison and looked for it on my phone. I immediately played it for John.
This is how we started listening to Orbison’s music during recent visits.

Last night while at John’s place, I came across an Orbison song I have never heard before, “California Blue”. I played it and something happened. At first John started humming and then singing along. By the time I played the song for the seventh time LOL, we were dancing! Sitting across from each other on the kitchen chairs we were holding hands and we were moving our arms to the rhythm of the song; John was leading-I let him 

Ohhh you should have seen it!!! The expression of delight on John’s face was my greatest gift of the week, an Unexpected Gift.  John sang the song to his late wife “… still missing you California Blue…”
“Joy,” I thought ” It is in you. A gift you have and can share”